Jaya

Just because

Tue, 15 Jun 2004 02:10:51 GMT

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Yawns

Wed, 05 Mar 2003 18:23:10 GMT

Alright it's been decided Jaya can be found here: krazysidhe Thanks for sticking around here all, and take care hope to see you around the new one.

LAST POST

Wed, 05 Mar 2003 07:05:37 GMT

JAYA CAN NO LONGER BE FOUND IN THIS JOURNAL, She has moved away from it.

alright

Wed, 05 Mar 2003 05:21:18 GMT

benign little post before I do the big one, because it's going under friends only for the time being.. *yawns* LJ has been changed along with one new icon and another one I made a while ago I actually have a whole shit load I've been meaning to put up but haven't gotten around to... I've actually been thinking about doing what Marie did recently discarding this journal for a new one perhapse... I don't know it just seems like something old and too much, like I need something new to try and get away from all the 'old' shit in here... *sighs softly* I haven't decided yet though.

needless to say tonight was the night Judy Shepard came to town and talked, and it was really really cool... sad but still she was really cool, and gave a really good presentation... Kate reminded me of Shannon (aazie - shannon) all night cause her hair looks almost exactly like Shannon's does and I'd never seen her with her hair down before. *sighs softly* That rather was the shitty part of the night oh that and I made the bucket for no reason because we got there and were told but the USI people that we weren't alloud to collect donations... so yeah.... well anyway the rest of this is going in another post..

Holly Shit!

Tue, 04 Mar 2003 21:06:44 GMT

Would anyone like some cake? *dies* Jaya walked out in the hall way today to see two mantiences guys walk to her room and ask for her! Only they had a really big box.. Jaya is like 'What the fuck is this?'

Jaya opens box to find GIANT CAKE in the box from her grandparents. o.O: Woudl anyone like some pretty white and purple cake with a computer on it? *laughs* o.O: We put messages up on the boards and said everyone could have some if they wanted tomorrow night... *dies*

Tue, 04 Mar 2003 19:06:49 GMT

What is a Solar Return Chart?
A solar return chart is a chart erected for the time this calendar year that the transiting Sun returns to the position of the natal Sun. Approximately once every year the transiting Sun goes through the entire zodiac, every degree, minute, and second of each sign. When you are born, the Sun in your natal chart has a specific position in the zodiac. This position can be measured exactly. At some point in time during each subsequent year, the transiting Sun returns to this natal position, conjuncting your natal Sun. The date and time when the conjunction occurs down to the exact second of arc is the time of the solar return chart. A chart is then calculated for that date, using the time (of the transiting Sun's return to your natal Sun's position), and your birth location (longitude and latitude).

The Sun In The Solar Return Chart
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Sun Aspects Pluto

The nature of a planet aspecting the Sun in the solar return chart and the aspect between them color the interpretation of both planets. Pluto aspects to the Sun (which usually last for a number of consecutive years) indicate an increased awareness of power. Awareness can come through conflicts and struggle with yourself or others, but it is the awareness that is most significant. How people get, maintain and use power for personal goals or for the control of others is more important than the struggle itself. It is the awareness which gives you a greater ability to control your own life. Power usage in confrontations and everyday situations will become more obvious, but even subtle shifts in power will be evident to you as you learn to recognize psychological motivations and manipulations. For some individuals this is a time to study psychology; however, many will notice examples of obsessive, compulsive, phobic, or manipulative behaviors in themselves or others regardless of their educational background. Unconscious needs are intensified and life becomes more complicated. Ambition and self-control are the more positive manifestations. Learning to deal with life on a deeper level is the hallmark of the Plutonian consciousness.

Mercury In The Solar Return Chart
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mercury Aspects Uranus

Uranus-Mercury aspects suggest that you are open to new ideas which may take the form of new information you are learning or new concepts you are developing yourself. These aspects can show great creativity since they imply that the individual is able to approach problems from many different angles and is not locked into one structured way of thinking. Use this time to be innovative and original. Brainstorm with others. But, because your mind is somewhat unstructured, your ability to think clearly may be interrupted by erratic impulses and an inability to concentrate over any length of time. New information may be more exciting than reorganizing what you already know. If you must work on a major project that requires sustained mental energy, take frequent breaks.

There is the possibility that you will subject yourself to psychologically stressful situations during the year. Increased nervousness, anxiety, and irrational thinking may be directly related to these stressful situations. Question the necessity for excessive tension in your life. If possible, withdraw from those situations that tax your mental and physical health. You may want to practice relaxation techniques and avoid stimulants. Work on calming and nurturing your nervous system.

Mercury Aspects Mars

Mars-Mercury aspects suggest an energetic thought process. This can be a time of great mental energy and an active search for knowledge. Your mind should be quick and alert, though not necessarily highly retentive. Learning can be very exciting and self-perpetuating even if you study alone.

What is great for the learning process may not be so advantageous when making decisions. The speed normally associated with Mars may indicate that you are impulsive and quick to jump to conclusions. You may not take the time necessary for careful consideration or thorough research. Instead, you may choose to handle situations with gut-level reactions rather than considered responses.

Mars-Mercury combinations imply assertive ability, but at their worst, these aspects can suggest aggressiveness and great anger. Ongoing conflicts and daily confrontations may occur with very negative manifestations. Those with strong tempers may have trouble controlling their anger. In the heat of the moment, they will say things without thinking about the consequences.

Old unconscious anger and resentment may fuel present conflicts. You may not be fighting for what you believe is right in this situation; instead you fight because you have been wronged in the past. Focusing on angry thoughts and acting out conflicts can be a terrible waste of a good mind. Mars-Mercury aspects show that thoughts can be put into action. Get motivated. Use this time to accomplish many things. Let your experiences teach you along the way.

Mercury's relationships to the other planets in the solar return chart indicates how information is gathered, assimilated and integrated into attitudes that persist for most of the year. How easily this is accomplished, and in what manner, is suggested by the aspects. What you are actually thinking about is indicated by Mercury's house placement. The important thing to remember about Mercury's placement is that it is indicative of a mental exercise only. Alone in a house, Mercury can show mental preoccupation without psychological pain or physical consequences. It suggests the ability to make decisions only, and may not be a clear indication of action in any particular area.

sighs

Tue, 04 Mar 2003 17:28:19 GMT

How evil are you?

gay prom

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 22:57:40 GMT

>TSA Prom is at the Upper Deck on Saturday April 5
>doors open at 6:00
>dinner at 7:00
>dancing from 8 - midnight
>tickets $10.00

I wana go! *cries* But I don't have anyone to go with... oh well probably wouldn't be worth it anyway *sighs softly*

hehehheh

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 18:53:51 GMT

You need a Balanced Boy!!!

Which Type of Uke Is Best Suited to You!?
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmmm

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 08:02:53 GMT

I need to go to bed I really raelly really need to go to bed.. O.O; I got some reading done though I'm going to bed today sucked... lots of days suck which is why I don't write much in here wha'ts the point. *sighs* fuck life.

Maikaalda: what are you doing up so late?
lomain9: fell asleep during the day
lomain9: cant sleep
lomain9: bored
Maikaalda: don't you have to go back to school tomorrow?
lomain9: im not giont o scool
Maikaalda: ah
lomain9: ha
Maikaalda: can't believe mom and dad let you on. =P or do you have the password?
lomain9: nah they just let me on
lomain9: dad just checks after me
Maikaalda: ah. cool. =P be good. *yawns* I'm going to crash though I have to get up tomorrow...
lomain9: aahh the college life
Maikaalda: not overly that much different. save no parents.
lomain9: thats the best part
Maikaalda: sometimes
lomain9: wel you can do a lot more
Maikaalda: ... ok most of the time.
lomain9: ha
Maikaalda: ^^:
Maikaalda: no annoying siblings hanging around =þ
lomain9: or annoying sisters
lomain9: ;-)
lomain9: >_< i suppose i'll crash ehre prety soon
Maikaalda: *laughs* You only have one annoying sister at the moment poop.
Maikaalda: :-Pand Anna's just plan cute. ^^:
lomain9: tru
lomain9: double tru
Maikaalda: *laughs8
Maikaalda: I'm not that bad. =P most of the time
lomain9: yeah you're at your worst when you IM me really late an night
lomain9: :-P
Maikaalda: LOL! this is the ONLY time I've ever IM'd you late at night silly
lomain9: yes
lomain9: i'm still like doped on pain medication
lomain9: cant think
Maikaalda: ugh... I'm just lack of sleep was trying to read shit for my NOrse Myths class tomorrow and I fainlly just gave up kept reading it over and over.
lomain9: ha
lomain9: i know i neeed to do hw urgently
lomain9: but i cant focus
Maikaalda: good luck... *sniggers* I'm at thep oint in the semester were I don't overly care... I haven't read like the last three books in one class but that's because the Proff is a dumb ass nut cass, and I hate his guts and there's no point in reading anything because he goes and reads most of it to us in class... snooze time.. but yeah
lomain9: haha
lomain9: alright
lomain9: i say kill him
Maikaalda: he's an ass hole ^__^
lomain9: beat him with a spoon
Maikaalda: LOL
lomain9: i hate almost all my teachers
Maikaalda: that sucks.... I can't say I hate all of mine some of 'em are cool but lol yeah
lomain9: they stick into me caus i dont have to try hard to pass and i dont try to excel
lomain9: they think im lazy
lomain9: and they're right
lomain9: lol but..
Maikaalda: *laughs* they are right. =P maybe you should do something about it ^^
lomain9: yes
lomain9: blow up my school!
Maikaalda: *sniggers* Sounds like a blast just make sure you invite me along. ^_~
lomain9: mm
lomain9: you can light fuses
Maikaalda: *kackles* YEAH!
lomain9: maybe i shuold go to mexico
lomain9: hot latina girls1
lomain9: !!
lomain9: actually i want to retire in Northern California
Maikaalda: *snirk* what not enough hot american girls for you?
lomain9: i dunno something about the fact that a girl is foreign
lomain9: it gets me
Maikaalda: yeah... I know how that goes.... forgien is good. ^_~
Maikaalda: a little bit more exotic
lomain9: yes
lomain9: perfect girl: adventurous, foreign, about 5'6" shoulder length dark hair
lomain9: big lips
lomain9: perfect curves
lomain9: but she has to have a great personality
lomain9: thats the catch
lomain9: so ur into foreign guys
Maikaalda: Hmm.. well good luck finding all of that in one girl and actually being able to get her (beign the fact that she's probably already taken)
Maikaalda: foreign guys are hot!
lomain9: how about a cute english gentleman
Maikaalda: *drools*
lomain9: lol
Maikaalda: *winks*
lomain9: omg this is my sister
lomain9: -_-
Maikaalda: O.O omg this is my brother o.O; I think we both need to shut up and get some sleep you know that *laughs*
lomain9: yes
lomain9: ready
lomain9: 1
lomain9: 2
lomain9: 3
lomain9: GO
Maikaalda: 10!
Maikaalda: Stop
lomain9: ok im asleep
lomain9: how about u
Maikaalda: *pokes you with a really long stick*
lomain9: beats you with a deer antler
Maikaalda: *whips you with a wet noddle and a dirty sock*
lomain9: hey lets take lotsa pain medication!!
lomain9: throws chocolate pudding at you
lomain9: runs into a corner and sucks his pacifier
Maikaalda: *throws spoonfulls of koolaid slushy at you and hides under the blankets on the bed*
Maikaalda: Good night Nathan

My Song The Sea

Mon, 03 Mar 2003 08:01:30 GMT

A/N - Alright some of you may recognize the title of this and some of it from the short blurb I posted a long time ago, well thats all sorta where this idea came from of course I can't overly follow the way that story defionately would have gone and still turn it in for class so this is a little bit different. Think of it before that blurb happened and that blurb being later on the future that only you lucky people know about. *smirk* Anyway comments welcome and all that shit.

My Song, The Sea
By: Jaya

Warning - none (o.O;;; wow yeah I know) oh het warning (sniggers hows that for a warning? as in hetero realtionships--implied so far)

There is much in life that the sea can teach us, though perhaps in this story it is not what you are thinking of right now. All I ask is that you read it and keep an open mind, because without one, you will learn nothing. There are many different reasons in life that people do what they do, or choose to be who and what they are. We should not hold that against any of them and in the end it is not ours, but theirs. If they are happy with their life, then that is good. If they ask our opinions, then we should feel free to tell them. But we should not try and press our opinions on people simply because we do not agree with the way that they live their lives or the way they look at things. Everyone is different, and that is the way that it should be. So keep an open mind in all things that you do and say. Who knows, perhaps you will meet and get to know someone you might not have before, and in doing so, you will make a good friend. We all need friends, even if we can’t admit that to ourselves. We need at least one good friend who will be there for us and for whom we do the same. Without people to be with, what we have is nothing but ourselves, and one is a lonely number…

Kevin hadn’t returned to the village since he’d left five years ago at the age of seventeen, for there had been no reason to. During that time much had changed, though most of it was not on the outside. The changes were the kind that are not so easily seen, changes on the inside. They affect our outward reactions, even our outlook on life. Though his thoughts had often returned to this place, in many ways he’d never had a good enough reason to return until now.

For now he had nothing left. Everything he had come to care about in life, except for this place, had been taken away. He knew they were following him, but when it came down to it, he couldn’t find it in himself to really care. Kevin wasn’t even sure why he’d decided to come back to Bluff Bay. It had been more of an unconscious decision, or perhaps deep down inside he’d just known it was the right thing to do. He couldn’t explain it, but then again it didn’t really need to be explained, at least not for him.

All of his life he’d been drawn to this place, even before his mother had died and his father had moved them there, permanently. It was his favorite place in the world. There had always been something magical and special about it. A magic that could not be captured by any spoken or written words; it was something that had to be experienced to be fully understood by anyone save the beholder.

That was all part of the secret, the only secret he’d ever kept from Heather, his wife. They had met shortly after he’d left Bluff Bay. She’d been the daughter of a gypsy Kevin had run into a couple days out. At first it had been the curly, pitch-black tress of hair that cascaded around her face, framing it perfectly. Her warm, brown eyes and tanned skin were accented by the perfect white blouse. She was beautiful. That, in truth, was the only way to put it. The curves of her hips were visible beneath clashing colors of her flowing skirt, while she seemed to glow in the firelight, like something out of a dream. Still, it hadn’t been until later, that they grew truly close to each other. He knew then that he would not return to the Bluff, but stay by her side.

It was there with her that he had found what the ocean had not been able to give him, for that path had closed and locked its doors when he had left the Bluff behind. While the dream of blue waters and crystalline structures beneath the sea still haunted him, Kevin had lost himself in the arms of love. They were far sweeter.

Time passed and it had seemed perfect, save for the minor problems that will present themselves in everyday life. Then, to his joy and surprise, Heather gave him a son. Upon his birth he was given the name Jayson, after his grandfather on his mother's side. For a time, the dreams faded into nothing, yet the real world passed as if it were a dream--too good to be true. But such was the peace and joy of it, that Kevin hardly noticed the fact that it was passing in a blur.

That had been when things had changed, when his path had begun to lead back to this place. It was as if nothing had happened here, like he’d stepped back in time into the past. But Kevin had changed, and he knew it all too well. He knew that this was no longer the past, and that things could never be as they had once been. He wasn’t who he had been before an invisible weight was set on his shoulders with every waking morning as if life its self were trying to drag him down. Even at night when he slept, he could not forget what had happened to bring him back. He resented it, hated it, and condemned all of those who were involved. The urge to give up was almost too strong to resist and Kevin wondered what it would be like to die…

Slowly, Sydney lifted his pen from the paper, the last word blurring slightly before his eyes as he dropped the pen onto the desk. It was pointless, he didn’t know how to include all his conflicting ideas, how to put everything into the correct place or context. He hated having so many ideas and not being able to write them the way he wanted. It was incredibly annoying.

“Well, Kevin, welcome home. I fear you will find no peace this time either, for those who killed the ones you loved are not far behind, and still the sea calls to your heart. You will go to it. Perhaps beneath its churning surface, you will find what you have not even realized you want yet…” Shaking his head slightly with a sigh, Sydney stood up. He walked away from the table and out onto the porch. If I ever get that far off course, we’ll have to…

That was when he saw Trey walking towards the house across the beach, swinging her bag back and forth. A little smile touched his lips, until the phone rang in the house behind him. With a sigh, Sydney turned back into the house to answer it. He did not, however, get there in time. The message began playing in the background, “I’m not here. My coffee pot ran away with the toaster, and the computer jumped over the moon. I’m off looking for my sanity. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. If it’s important, leave….”

“Hello?”
“Are you ever going to change the answering machine?”
“I love you too, mama.”

“Yes, of course you do, though I suppose you’re too busy to talk to your own mother right now, or you would have answered the phone right away.”

“I don’t know about… Hey Trey, come on in…” Sydney was slightly surprised when his brother appeared behind her, “Hi Allan…”

“Oh, I see how it is,” but there was laughter in his mother's voice. ”Sydney, you can talk to me for a few minutes. Your company can wait, please.”

“Make yourselves at home…” Sydney turned away from his guests, “I’ll be done in a couple of minutes...what is it mama?”

“So I have to have a reason now to call my son? And tell your brother that he’s not escaping me this time; I am going to talk to him.”

Sydney chuckled quietly, pushing Allan away as he put an arm around his shoulder, “Don’t worry mama, I won’t let him get away from you.” He smiled at his brother, who made a face back at him. The smile stuck this time, making Sydney feel like he was years younger again. “And no you don’t have to have a reason to call, you just usually don’t call unless you have one.”

“I see, well, I will have to start changing that then.” There was a pause, “I actually just wanted to see how you were doing, Sydney...I mean, I know the anniversary is coming up, and I haven’t heard from you in awhile. You know how I am. I worry about you; after all, you are my eldest son.”

“I’m all right, mama, you really don’t have to worry so much about me. Besides, you call every week just to check up on me. I’m not fifteen and getting into trouble all the time anymore...”

She was smiling when she spoke, and he could hear it in her voice, “I just hope you’d tell me if you weren’t alright...and you know you can always call if you need anything. I mean that, anything.”

“I know, mama.”

“Now, why don’t you put your brother on so I can give him a little piece of my mind for running out on me last time I tried to call him. And I love you, Sydney. Don’t you forget that, alright?”

“Yes mama, and I love you too,” he said, handing the phone to his brother with a mouthed good luck and have fun. Leaving his brother to his string of "Yes, mama’s” and “No, mama’s,” Sydney slipped into the other room where Trey had taken up residence in the room's most comfortable chair. Here we go again. He sighed before she even started speaking, having a very good idea of where this conversation was going to go. But unlike his mother on the phone, it was harder to run away from someone who was sitting right in front of him.

~~~ * ~~~
It wasn’t just one feeling that plagued him after Allan and Trey left, but a multitude of them. Part of him was glad to be alone with his thoughts once more, but another part wished they would come back and provide a little more distraction. Sometimes it was wearing being around others, always having to act like everything was fine. His thoughts were taking him down the other roads of late. He knew he wasn’t all right. Ever since it had happened, he’d been getting worse. But he couldn’t find it in himself to tell either of them, they would only worry more, and neither of them deserved that. They were good friends, and while he loved both of them in their own right, Sydney had never shared his feelings with anyone except Eden, and well, that wasn’t possible anymore. And it’s my own fault for not being there, for not realizing that something was wrong before it was too late. Now there’s nothing I can do, unless someone figures out how we can really change the past. Not even my imagination can do that, no matter how much I wish it could.

Staring off at the sea through the railing that surrounded the porch, Sydney didn’t hear the knock on the door. At least not until Jessie stuck his head through the door to pronounce in a loud voice, “Knock, knock.” Coming in after that, without waiting for an invite, “Look Syd, I know you’re here someplace... I mean, if you don’t want anyone to think you're home, don’t leave the vehicle in the driveway and the bike in the garage. So just make this easier on both of...”

“I’m out on the porch, Jess,” Sydney said, turning away from the beach, a hand coming up to push his hair back from his face. “And yes, you are more than welcome to just walk into the house uninvited. You know I hate it when you do that, least you could do is come around back first...”

Jessie just grinned at him stepping out onto the porch. “Of course I’m welcome to walk in uninvited, I’m family after all,” he answered brightly; coming to stand over Sydney with hands on his hips. “You’ve really got to stop sitting around and moping like this. It’s quite disgusting, you know. Come on, I’ll take you out and we’ll have some fun.” He offered Sydney a hand.

“For your information, I wasn’t moping, I was thinking. As for fun, it gives me a headache, especially your kind. I’d rather stay here where it’s nice and quiet. Maybe that way I won’t end up totally insane in the end.” Sydney smirked up at his friend, “Unlike some people I know.”

“Yes, I’m sure you’ll end up totally off your rocker, mumbling like Ricky about the floor! I love that part of the story, you really should do some more with that you know…” Jessie rolled his eyes, sliding onto the porch next to him. “I can just picture it now, you can be Ricky, and I’ll be Davey... After all, I always was the brother you never had, right?”

Sydney laughed the first real laughter that escaped his lips in some time. It even felt right, and it felt good to laugh--not forced like it had been earlier, though his eyes did not hold the same light that they once had. His smile faded a little. "Here in the darkness," he whispered, absently playing with the hem of his shirt. Nervously throwing a glance at Jessie, he finished the line, knowing his friend had always liked it, "Here in this room, with the floor... Can't you see the beautiful floor, Davey? Its beautiful, swirling in red ribbons, crimson streamers, and broken hearts? Isn't it lovely, Davey?" Sydney hesitated before adding the next part. He reached out to catch Jessie’s chin, forcing him to look at the deck, "Do you see it, Davey?" he asked, his voice more urgent now, more demanding, half way between scared and angry. "Please, Davey, you must see it! It's here for you too... It'll hold us; I promise it will hold you and me both! It'll keep us safe from him, safe forever in its wonderful coldness."

Jessie laughed, pushing Sydney away. “You know, you really do play that part way too well. Maybe I should have you checked into a mental institute to see if there really is anything left up there in that head of yours.” He winked, leaning over Sydney to pick up his forgotten drink taking a sip of it himself, “So, if you weren’t moping out here, what were you thinking about?” He asked changing the subject.

Maybe he’s right; maybe I really have lost my mind. Have to have lost something, if I’m acting like Ricky, Sydney thought to himself with a soft sigh. “About a lot of things: the piece I’m working on, how to go farther with it...your sister, the way the sunlight shines off the water, the way it looks like the sea is really eating up the sun like in many ancient myths....” Sydney let his voice trail off for a few minutes. “About life in general...how everything feels lately. It’s all so empty, as if there’s no reason to go on. I’m tired of feeling like that, Jessie, and yet I don’t know what to do. I’ve thought about it too much, and I’m still not closer to the answer. She was my future, and now…she’s gone. It’s still hard to imagine that she’s really gone been almost a year now...” Sydney sighed, looking away from Jessie. “I don’t know...”

Putting an arm around his shoulders, Jessie was quiet for a few moments before he finally said anything. “Well, I don’t know if there is really anything I can say to that, Syd, except that in the end, its up to you to figure out what you want in life. I do know that you’re getting nowhere sitting around here thinking about it. Get out there and do something. I also know that Eden wouldn’t have wanted you to sit around here and waste your life pining after her. So, if there’s something you want, go for it. You’re still young, and I know that what happened was horrible for all of us. I miss her too, but she isn’t the only pretty girl out there, and love isn’t the only reason to live your life. You have to live your life for yourself, and not for anyone else. In the end, it’s your life, and what you do with it effects you more than anything else.”

“Yeah, I know, and you’re right about everything. I just don’t know where to start.” Pulling away from him, Sydney stood up. He walked over to the railing, his back to Jessie. For a moment Jessie sat there watching the way the sunset silhouetted his body against the brilliant colors in the sky, how the wind tossed his longish hair.

Finally Jessie moved to stand next to Sydney for a few minutes before speaking. “First you have to decide that you’re going to make the decision, and then you have to go for it. You haven’t really decided that you are going to live your life, or that you’re going to let Eden go. You have to do that before you can do anything else.” Glancing at his watch, he shifted a bit, “Look Sydney, I have to go. I really just stopped by to see how you were doing. If you want, I can come back
later...”

“No, that’s alright Jessie, but thanks. I’m going to try and get some more work done. I think I have a few ideas that might fit.”

“Alright, well, take care...” Jessie still hesitated for a few minutes, his hand coming up to rest on Sydney’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Call if you need anything, you know my cell number.”

“I will,” Sydney replied, glancing back at him with a rather subdued smile, acknowledging Jessie’s good-bye wave. He watched as Jessie slipped back through the house and out the door, leaving him alone once more. Sighing, he pushed away from the porch railing. He headed down the stairs towards the beach, hoping that the thoughts and feelings that Trey, Allan, Jessie, and his mother had brought back to the forefront of his mind would somehow be quieted by the sound of the waves. He’d been doing better at ignoring the upcoming date and hiding from himself by concentrating on his work. However, there was only so much running away he could do before it all came rushing back, which is what it was doing now. He wasn’t paying any attention to what was going on around him, to the thunder that was rumbling out along the horizon or anything else.

The beach was strangely deserted for the early evening--a time when many people liked to walk along the sand, enjoying the beauty of the sunset that was presented most evenings. Sydney had stopped staring out at the ocean. The froth of the waves settling around his ankles, washing the sand out from beneath his feet a little more with each new one. From somewhere farther along the beach, the smell of barbecue wafted along the breeze, along with the laughter and music of the gathering somewhere, just out of sight. Sydney simply stood there letting all of it soak in, as if he could absorb his very surroundings into his body. Yet, afterwards, he could never clearly recall what happened next, or how exactly it happened.

It was as if something called to him, pulled him away from the shore and into the water; which was warm for this time of year. It wasn’t until it was lapping around his shoulders, that he thought anything of it, as if the fact had simply slipped his mind.

The world moved on around him. The ocean tide rose a little higher with the fall of each new wave upon the beach, and his body rocked with the flow of the water. Up and down, up and down, it came and went, taking and bringing in its wake, it's green-blue expanse awash in the crimson of the dying sun.

The sea was not alone, nor was he. Far out near where the great rocks threw their showers of golden spray high in the sky, far out where the wind whipped around the small point of the island, a single sailboat waited. Sails tucked in, hull painted blue, it lurked there just waiting. It was a placid thing on the angry yet calm churning of the ocean’s swells. In the bow was the single dark figure of a fisherman out for the night. In the back of his mind, Sydney wished him luck in his catch.

Sydney’s eyes were like the night, as deep blue as midnight staring off at nothing, searching for something only he could see, hearing what only he could hear. His hair was black as the shadows all around, though lighter in places from hours spent in the sunlight. For a few moments nothing moved, save for the ocean. Yet, as he watched a single regal being rose in the water before him like something out of a dream. It was the sort of sight that sailors tell tales about, the thing that some search their whole life for, but never truly find.

A dripping hand came up to brush his hair from his face as Sydney’s mouth came open in surprise. Later, he would be told that no one else on the beach had seen anything. He had not heard any of those who called after him from the beach. They would say that he simply vanished beneath the ocean's surface, but for Sydney it was much different. He looked deeply into the eyes of the ethereal being before him, who was the perfection of masculine beauty, in the perfectly crafted plains of his face to the way the water cascaded from his face and shoulders. There was a gentle little smile playing across his lips, and it was mirrored in the deep aqua eyes, tanned skin, and bleach blond hair.

“So you have decided to hear us at last,” he said in a musical voice, a hand coming out to take Sydney’s. “Will you come with me?”

“What...what do you mean?”

“You wish to know the truth about yourself and about us, do you not? It is time for your journey to begin, Sydney." He pulled Sydney back a step, “Trust me.”

Sydney didn’t know why he trusted this man--this creature--before him; perhaps it was something in his eyes or the expression on his face. All he knew was that he trusted him, almost more completely then he had trusted anyone in his life. Part of his mind--the rational part--told him that he shouldn’t trust this creature before him; that what was happening couldn’t actually be happening. But the rest of his mind was in control at the moment, and he paid no attention to what was logical. Instead, his hand moved through the water, coming up with the last of the sunlight glistening off the water droplets that fell from his fingers. He slipped his hand into the offered one.

“I do,” was his response to the first, followed by questions of his own, “Who are you? What are you?”

“My name is Tristan, the rest is a tale for later.” Tristan smiled kindly, drawing Sydney still deeper into the water. “We are going beneath the waves, but do not be afraid. I will not let you drown.”

He was not afraid. Well no, that was not totally true. There was fear in him, but it seemed somehow removed, like the fact that he should be knowing something was not quite right. Yet, perhaps it was his need to believe that there was still magic in the world that let him trust Tristan so completely. He gave himself over to what was happening without questioning the reality of it. It had always been a need in him to believe that somewhere, somehow, the worlds he created in his books were real, or at least some portion of them existed in some way, shape, or form, that some magic was still left in the world. There were so many tales of such things that there had to be some stock in them, some grain of truth in all of the lies. No one would or could ever know for sure. Even if they were to find out the truth about magic in the past or the present, who in this day and age would honestly believe them?

As the water got deeper, Sydney felt himself begin to panic. Tristan pulled him deeper and closer. It was the look in his eyes that calmed Sydney once more, giving the world around him a dream-like quality. The dark water about them already seemed unreal. What would be beautiful in daylight, dark and forbidding in the night, when there was no sunlight to brighten the waters? He found himself fighting the urge to flee towards the surface as they went deeper, his lungs burning for air.

Sydney was much too surprised by what Tristan did next to pull away, especially as air flooded from Tristan's mouth into his own. It took a bit for them to settle into a rhythm. Sydney let his eyes close, finding he could see almost nothing in the darkening gloom as it was; he concentrated on breathing instead. He let Tristan take him to wherever it was he wished them to go, letting go of himself for the first time since his fiancé had died--trusting.

laughs

Sat, 01 Mar 2003 07:46:52 GMT

Pisces
February 19 - March 20

The world doesn't always make sense. Even if you understand what's going on, others may not feel like cooperating. When the external world gets out of hand, you can always retreat to your own private Idaho. To those who don't know you well, you still appear to be present and participating. Friends and loved ones know that you've withdrawn to the place where they can't follow. They detect movement behind the camouflage of your public persona. Within that landscape, you're free to revisit favorite memories and explore new ideas. You'll emerge when ready.

*sniggers* And who would know anymore who I am or anything else? There isn't anyone to know or anyone to re emerge to. *laughs bitterly* I don't know what the fuck anyone thinks anymore, doesn't really matter.

Oooo!

Sat, 01 Mar 2003 05:46:48 GMT

Anyone want to get me soemthing for my brithday? *sniggers*

I want this, *drools* That would be soo cool... blah anyway... just pointless ramblings, bored and fucked up nothing new for the weekend. Or this one is nice, Mmmm pretty! If I had a car This would be nice

*Kackles amusedly* Hehehehehehehehehehe hell yaeh

sighs

Thu, 27 Feb 2003 03:02:35 GMT

Why is it that every time I actually get out and do something, something always hast to happen to remind me just how, not part of anything I really am, no matter what I try and do nor how much I feel I might actually start to be fitting in. Something else always happens to remind me that I'm not really part of the group that I'm just fooling myself nito thinking I am because I want to be at least a part of something. *sighs softly*

Alright well this week sucks for the most part. We lost CRAM though I didn't really expect we would get anywhere since we only had two people on our team and most of the others at least had three... but we didn't come in dead last either so that says something I guess... but still. *sighs* Oh well, it wasn't bad it was better then last semester I guess. It's a breath of the differance being in a group of people from Pride it's revitalizing and a little uncomfortable. Not because I don't agree just because I'm not used to being as open as most of them are since... Mainly I guess since I haven't been around anyone who is accept for Heather (one of the many of them or I suppose really two of the many of them), and then when I was that was different.

At least the week is more then half over now.... Now I just have to get through the next few days alive. I need to go work have a story to finish or something like that I don't have a fucking clue what to do with it at the moment a paper to finish up, among other things. I'm signing up to go to Harlaxton next spring I need to call my parents and figure out that.. I suppose I should talk to them about the financial situation before I do it... though I have a feeling my grandparents might offer to pay when they hear about it but I can't count on that either.... still it gives me all summmer to save up for it and that would be really cool...

chuckles

Sun, 23 Feb 2003 22:23:06 GMT

The Yaoi Selector: Which Uke are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Yaoi Selector: Which Uke are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Lol well that will work for me. *chuckles quietly* Not a bad couple *yawns* I feel like I should wirte something in here I actually ment to before but I'm not going to now. I need to go work while I have the time and the space alone in the room since my roomie and her bf finally left... need to work. evil papers... *sighs* o.O;

LOL:

Thu, 20 Feb 2003 06:35:51 GMT

I finally watched Birds Of Prey again tonight. *sniggers* two hour finally well in the big fight scene at the end they were playing, 'All The Things You Said', but Tatu... *dies laughing* Let's just say thats qutie enough to get the muses to start working... *kackles amusedly* Too bad I can't use the muses since I'm supposed to be doing something else.. *sighs* Ah it was use the amusement I guess. I really wish I'd been able to watch more of this. Gah damn go Barbara...!

hhhhhhhhhhm

Tue, 18 Feb 2003 18:37:49 GMT

You are the Iterative Dreamer

Kotori Monou

Not truly aware of your dreamgazing ability, you have constant Replicant Dreams haunting you about your own Death. Hoping still, at the edge of life, that Destiny yet, haven't been decided.

What kind of Dreamgazer is more appealing to you?

Quiz made by Let-kun, based on Melange's
Treatise on Dreams

A GREEN Dragon Lies Beneath!

I took the Inner Dragon online quiz and found out I am a Green Dragon on the inside. My Inner Dragon is the embodiment of Nature and the Earth. Greens spend almost all of their time below the canopy or just above the treetops in tropical rain forests. Not a bad life considering every other creature in the forest looks up to me, figuratively and literally. I speak the language of every animal and plant in my domain and know most of them by first name. If people mess with my forests, I'm more than happy to wail on their puny butts. Because of my protector/caretaker role, I am the Earth Elemental dragon.

Naturally my whole life pretty much revolves around the other couple million species I keep an eye on, but that's not my whole dragon. I also like to like to impose my steadfast will on others, commune with Nature, and lobby governments for alternative fuels and conservation. My favorable attributes are gemstones, mountains, caves, soil, respect, endurance, responsibility, prosperity, and purpose in life. Folks shouldn't get the idea I'm a hippy pushover though, because my breath weapon is a nasty Fire/Acid combination. Maybe I should invest in a hemp shirt reading "Don't knock my smock, or I'll clean your clock." *wink*

hehehee

Sun, 16 Feb 2003 23:42:26 GMT

YAOI HENTAI

(results contain pictures) Whats your HENTAI???
brought to you by Quizilla

icy rain

Sun, 16 Feb 2003 06:43:12 GMT

Have you ever gone walking in the rain when it's freezing rian? It's rather different don't know, kinda strange I guess. *chuckles and shrugs* You don't get wet either still it's rather depressing all the same. *shrugs slightly* Supposed to be writing a paper, but I wanted to post the below.

*yawns* Anyway I called you earlier today but lol yeah, Happy Birthday Marie, glad to hear it's been a good one. :)

................

Sun, 16 Feb 2003 00:16:28 GMT

Pisces is called the Poet of the Zodiac for its dreamy, impressionistic view of the world, its romantic, idealistic ways and desires. As ruled by Neptune, the Planet of Illusion, those born under the Pisces influence tend to live inside their own minds a great deal of the time and have a largely subjective point of view. Pisces is deeply emotional and intuitive, often even psychic; it is a loving, giving and rather passive Sign with a real sense of the mystical side of life. Pisces has tremendous resources of empathy and compassion for others; the trouble is, with so much trouble remaining objective, Pisces may give far too much of itself to someone who is simply playing on its sympathy. This is Pisces? first Karmic task: To erect solid boundaries as a prevention against allowing all personal energy to be drained by serving others' needs, filling up others' voids and playing into others' sob stories.

Pisces? gift of connection is both a blessing and a curse; on one hand, it is the gift that makes this Sign such a noble, nurturing friend and lover, but on the other hand it gives Pisces a certain malleability of persona that is easily taken advantage of. Others may see Pisces as a pushover or a doormat, since this Sign tends to submit so readily to another's power or point of view. Pisces may also be overly dependent on others for guidance, structure or a sense of stability. Pisces must learn to ground itself and this is no small task for such a deeply emotional Sign.

Pisces is so emotional, in fact, that it can tend toward depression or fatalism; the weight of the world can be too much to bear for someone so sensitive. Many Pisces turn to escapist pursuits as a result; daydreaming is one rather innocuous form of escapism and creating works of art is quite a positive form, but Neptune also rules more powerful and destructive escapist pursuits like addiction, delusion and deception. In short, Neptune rules the intangible, so Pisces must connect with the tangible in order to maintain a healthy balance.

Pisces? tendency toward depression is also based on its unwillingness to dwell in the mundane world. Things like paying bills on time, keeping appointments and maintaining a full-time job can overwhelm Pisces as they work against its basic nature. Pisces doesn't exist on a linear plane of ticking clocks and scheduled activities; this Sign is far more free-form than that. Thus, Pisces tends to be impractical, which can lead to real trouble with bosses, bill collectors and others who expect Pisces to follow their rules. It is impossible never to enter the mundane world; Pisces must learn to navigate its way safely and effectively through the maze of day-to-day experience and to set aside time in which to indulge its ethereal nature. This is a rather tall order, but need not be overly daunting; Pisces lends so much help to others, it can feel good about asking for help in return.

Gemini can teach Pisces to take a less emotional, more intellectual view of people and situations; this will help Pisces decide which pleas are deserving of attention and which are merely sob stories to be ignored. Virgo can help Pisces learn to be detailed and efficient, and enthusiastic Sagittarius can help Pisces learn to turn all that abstract emotionalism into optimism and adventure

stupid stupid stupid stupid

Sat, 15 Feb 2003 08:20:51 GMT

Disturbed - Fear

Reject
Are you no one
Feel you nothing
You know I'll bet you think
You have a good reason to be living
In the limelight of the fortunate ones
you're too weakened by the poison
That they feed you in the living lie
They don't believe you
Carr to no one
Trust in nothing
Little impotent one

I don't want to be innocent, you know
I don't want to let them hypnotize me

Punk ass, are you listening
Can you hear me or are you deaf and dumb to my language
Do the real words seem to hurt you
Well put em' up motherfucker
You'll feel it
When I stamp it on your forehead
So you will never forget
That you're a reject
And you're a no one
And you're nothing
Little impotent one

Fear awaken
Go with it now
And let it overcome you
Fear awaken
Your mind is racing

smiles

Fri, 14 Feb 2003 22:05:06 GMT

Marie Imouto, and Jessi I got your letters today, well Jessi I got yours earlier and sorta forgot to mention it because I'm an ass. *pets* Thanks you guys, I wuv you both. *hugs* Tak care and I'll see if I can't be good and write letters back my letter writing ness has been strange lately. :) Imouto, your the best don't ever think other wise. =P

To Everyone

Fri, 14 Feb 2003 20:06:05 GMT

Well I usually don't do all the holiday stuff but I got bored today so I decided to go ahead and do it so lol yeah, here you all go. It an't much but oh well. *shrugs slightly* For those of you who have someone to share it with have fun for those of you that don't come join me and we'll go part. *sniggers* Being single means you can have all the fun you want and not have to worry about someone else. :) Now I really need some coffee.

^^:

Fri, 14 Feb 2003 03:23:01 GMT

*sniggers* Well now...

The haxor handle of Jaya Korin is "Po1s0n Godd3ss".

Goddess of the Night. Beautiful yet a strange
darkness and sadness lurk about you.

What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
brought to you by Quizilla

sighs

Thu, 13 Feb 2003 04:17:53 GMT

alright another rant you know if you pick up SOMEONE elses character at least you can TRY and play them in character. *sighs* I used to not care if other people used my characters, I look back on that now and wonder about that. Perhapse it was just the people I play with most of the time now it annoys the hell out of me. But maybe that's because most of the time when people do it it's out of character so fuckin BADLY out of character that it's not even funny and it just really really pisses me off more then I know how to say.... ok fuck it. *screams*

Jaya

Just because

*Yawns*

LAST POST

alright

Holly Shit!

*sighs*

gay prom

hehehheh

Hmmm

My Song The Sea

*laughs*

Oooo!

*sighs*

*chuckles*

LOL:

hhhhhhhhhhm

A GREEN Dragon Lies Beneath!

hehehee

icy rain

................

stupid stupid stupid stupid

*smiles*

To Everyone

^^:

*sighs*

Yawns

sighs

laughs

sighs

chuckles

smiles

sighs